Sec'y of Defense Gates accused the Anti-War resolution in the Congress of undercutting the US commanders and emboldening the enemy.Our reporters on the ground in Iraq found much supporting evidence for Gates' claim. Last week Vulfie Blitzkreig of the spoof visited numerous roadside bomb-making cells around Iraq and found the bomb manufacturers basically sitting on their hands .
One terrorist, codename Kablooie, explained: "The US Congress is doing nothing and so we are doing nothing. Their apathy has sapped our resolve..." However when Blitzkrieg returned after the Congressional resolution started gaining steam and Gates made his "emboldens" accusation "Kablooie" was whistling a different tune: "Since gates told us we had become emboldened, WE HAVE! We're busier than Santa's sweat-shop workers and we're whistling while we work like Snow White's little sex slaves (Vulfie clarified that Iraqis don't always fully understand Western mythology)."
Blitzkrieg found the same story among US commanders and troops: "Before the resolution's introduction and Gates' charge, I found commanders and troops working hard at accomplishing the mission Bush declared accomplished 3 years ago. But when I got back to headquarters and among the soldiers after the Gates'warning, it was like Sabbath in an Orthodox home. .
One General put it like this: "We rely so heavily on Congress that we don't know what to do. I wish our training taught us confidence and resolve. I know the terrorists have the same problem. maybe we should have a joint support group to just say no to congressional doubt"
"It might help"' Kablooie agreed when he heard the general's idea, "My psychiatrist says that we are all co-dependent on the American Congress..."
In a related story, the Iranian clerics have decided to bestow on gates their highest honor: The Enemy of Democracy Award.
