Dog receives ballot for November election; holds news conference

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 6 September 2020

image for Dog receives ballot for November election; holds news conference
"Nutter" spoke soberly then assumed lead baritone for the howling

Mr. Trump has announced that the Democrats are sinking to new lows by sending ballots to cats and dogs across the nation.

Democrats have denied the charge, saying any case of a pet (dead or alive) receiving a ballot is a minor glitch in the voting system.

Chances are a cat or dog attempting to enter a polling booth and vote would (might?) be apprehended.

But mail-in ballots? Good luck with that.

Indefatigable reporting however has run down the case of an actual dog, "Nutter" (location anonymous), in a quandary over his ballot.

Nutter promptly called a news conference, drawing reporters from all the Big Press, CNN in the lead.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Nutter began, with dignity, "to put canines and felines into disrepute this way is another indication of a failing society."

"We are patriots and constitutionalists to the core. Our hero is George Washington."

"That I should receive a ballot is a disgrace. And let me introduce you further to a singing group I belong to."

Well-known to quiet neighborhoods where some owners have several hounds at their residence, a "canine chorus" is heard every morning.

A lead dog will begin, and the rest join in with a howling session.

Nutter's group demonstrated, and Nutter himself translated.

The song is an indication of domestic animal concern over the State of the Union at this time, Nutter said.

He also indicated this particular canine chorus is inspired by and indebted to Janis Joplin:

O Lord won't you send us
A doggy vaccine
We need one so badly
That works and it's clean

They put in the mercury
And all sorts of junk
We don't trust Big Pharma
Or Bill Gates as a monk

Now ballots we're getting
For November's big vote
But changing The System
We ain't got no hope

So Lord won't you send us
A new way to dream
This covid is nasty
Plus people are mean.

O Lord . . . (howling more intense at this point)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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