According to unconfirmed White House sources, over two hundred lie-detector machines have been junked because they continually blew their fuses when Mr Trump and White House staff took the test.
Each test takes approximately ten minutes, and covers a series of simple questions relating to sleepy Joe, bone spurs, Covid fatalities, Chinese Tech companies, Barr none, kiddy drawings of graphs on virus testing, and why Tik-Tok is not a Swiss watch company.
There are, of course, numerous more questions raised by concerned Americans regarding protests, ‘anarchists’, defunded police stations and democratic governors who have refused to ‘liberate’ their states.
The most telling lies of the White House Occupant (WHO) are that war cemeteries are filled with ‘losers and suckers’, and that John McCain, a war hero, was a good buddy of his.
Advanced polygraph machines were ordered to replace the short-circuited machines, when Russia requested all White House staff also take the test, to check for loyalty to Czar Putin.
Trump Jr, Kayleigh McEnany, Fox News anchors and a few of the Trump family took the test several times, and still blew the machines.
When Kimberly Guilfoyle took the test, the lie-detector slapped on its earmuffs to lower the screeching volume that ‘the best is yet to come’. This last proclamation was trounced by Trump as a deliberate lie, because the best was already in existence for the past four years.
The ‘dead’ machines were finally carted off to the CDC and replaced with masks. This was deemed as a fair measure of disguise to ensure that the source of the falsehoods would never be traced.
Wearing a mask, Mr Trump announced that, henceforth, the American people couldn't read his lips.
In breaking news following Mr Trump’s above announcement, Pinocchio resigned as Vice-President.