Was Biden’s Lap Dance Divinely Inspired?

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 4 September 2020

image for Was Biden’s Lap Dance Divinely Inspired?
A cartoon image of Biden with his head opened up

BILLINGSGATE POST: Although a spokesperson for Joe Biden stands by his statement that Biden claims to be on first-name terms with God, he conceded that the old Obama sidekick was using a figure of speech when declaring that "God and I call each other by our first names: I call him God, and he calls me Joe.”

Intrepid reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, reported he overheard Biden tell a lap dancer at the Beauty Is Only Skin Deep Club, "God told me to end the tyranny between my conscience and my libido. How about a lap dance?"

A spokesman for Biden quickly issued a terse denial last night, dismissing Dirty Trick’s comment as "absurd." The spokesperson said that Joe Biden, although a devout Christian, "never said that."

Dirty Trick today stood by his recollection of the conversation, but accepted that the statement he claims to have heard might not have been meant literally.

"It might have been a figure of speech. I felt that he was saying that he had a mission, a commitment that God was really inspiring him...rather than a metaphysical whisper in his ear," he said.

Biden was also quoted as saying: "I believe that God wants me to bring down the conservative right-wing trash.” He makes no secret of calling on God for strength while fighting the infidels, but denies using God to justify his decisions.

Pope Francis: “If Joseph Biden really wants to obey God during his mission on Earth, perhaps he should start with what is blindingly obvious from the Bible, rather than perceive supernatural messages. That would lead him to the less glamorous business of taking care of the needs of the poor, the downtrodden and the marginalized, rather than squandering his money on lap dances.“

Last month, senior members of the Church of Rightful Indignation questioned Biden’s sense of "moral righteousness." The bishops of that church said in their report: "There is no uniquely righteous soothsayer. No man should see himself as the redeemer, singled out by God as part of his providential plan." .

Slim: “Being divinely inspired has its drawbacks.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If life were fair, there would be no need for Divine Inspiration.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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