WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Political Satire) - Reports are that the president recently confided to his chief adviser, Kellyanne Conway, that he is going to be re-elected one way or another.
Conway reportedly replied that she was all ears. He then told her that every poll in the United States shows him trailing Joe Biden anywhere from 12 to 47 points.
He noted that, even his own personal network, Fox News, has him behind Biden by 28 points.
Conway told him not to worry, because the American people know that he is the best, most fantastic president since George “The Apple Tree Chopper” Washington.
The latest Fox News poll shows that 77% of all Republican women truly believe that, if given half the chance, POTUS will most definitely try to grab a woman by her hooha.
Conway then asked him how he plans to get re-elected, since, right now, Elizabeth Warren is more likely to be crowed Miss Massachusetts.
Trump explained that he has just named himself to be the new head of the Electoral College Board of Directors.
“Brilliant move, Donnie baby, I mean that’s fantastic, Mr. President, sir!”
Trump smiled, and said, "The heck with the six-foot distancing policy!", and, at that point, he gave Kellyanne a huge GOP bear hug.