Trumps stunt wig’s sense of duty meant he never revealed anything

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Sunday, 19 July 2020

image for Trumps stunt wig’s sense of duty meant he never revealed anything
I hear gun shots - it's OK no harm done

A biography of Hollywood stunt wig, Derek Fig, shows he was once President Trump's stunt wig, and, despite windy conditions, never revealed himself.

Fig, renowned for his work as Harry Potter's stunt public wig, was close to the action, so received Secret Service bodyguard training.

‘People ask where did I keep my weapon when protecting his Trumpness’ head. Well, to be honest the head is hollow,' said Fig. 'There’s all sorts of stuff stashed in there: an onion bagel, Melania’s underwear, super glue for when things get windy, and, of course, my weapon. I was rummaging around for it once, and accidentally let off a few rounds. They rattled around a bit, but didn’t cause any damage.’

Fig’s Secret Service training was essential. ‘Of course, doing a job like that was risky. There’s always an element of danger. I mean at any time, without warning, Trumpy would run his pudgy fingers through me. Can you imagine that, having his pudgy fingers running through you? We all know where they’ve been.’

Fig was actually acting Trump wig, as both Chuck and Chad Trump wigs were taking a well-earned holiday. ‘Trumpy did reveal he thought Chuck and Chad were more than just good friends, which made him feel uncomfortable. I liked the idea he felt uncomfortable.’

Fig has said he’d never do any more stunt public wig work, but how does this compare? ‘That was a walk in the park - Trumps scalp left me feeling, unclean.’

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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