Trump Promotes More Mexican Products

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Friday, 17 July 2020

image for Trump Promotes More Mexican Products
'Tito's Sombrero's, My I.Q. is the highest!' tells Trump.

Washington, D.C. - After Trump gave his orange thumbs-up to GOYA beans and spices on Wednesday, White House pollsters surveyed a half percent favorability bump from Mexican/American voters.

With that news, Trump's re-election team hit the ground running. "If we can get the boss to promote two hundred more Mexican products before election day, he could secure every Mexican vote in the country!" said team leader Ben Azkizer.

Immediately they got to work, finding other products from south of the border for Trump to peddle.

Trump spent most of Thursday morning sitting behind his desk in the Oval Office, plugging products like Tito's Sombreros, 'Nobody's ever seen anything like Tito's Sombreros!' they got the boss to say while listening to his daily defense briefing. "They are the numero uno!"

The team again noticed another half percent rise in the polls. They were onto something.

"Paco's Piñatas" pitched the boss on Twitter, "people ask me all the time, what's the best piñata, I tell them Paco's. Can't beat 'em!"

That got them another percentage point. Trump had now nailed down over three percent of all Mexican voters. This was going well!

Then the boss started to go off script. 'Jose's Hammocks,' hawked the POTUS, 'definitely not made by rapists and murderers!'

Uh oh, the numbers were starting to slide the other way.

'Maria's hand-woven rugs. They don't smell too bad, I guess?' Oh, no, the boss was losing steam for this project, the team worried. He was heading back into negative polling numbers quick.

They tried showing him all sorts of other Mexican products, from maracas to tequila, but the boss was losing interest. The window was closing.

"He perked up a bit after we showed him a Tijuana 'Donkey Show' on Youtube," said Azkizer, "but we could tell it was over. The boss just couldn't muster any more energy for courting the Latin voters. He has a very busy schedule."

"Oh well, I guess it's back to mid-western housewives between age 35 and 59," said a deflated Azkizer, who could tell his job was now on the line.

Then Azkizer had an amazing idea, a career-changer. Maybe there was a way to court both the Mexican vote and the Middle America home-makers vote at the same time.

'Dear lord, please let this work,' prayed a mask-less Azkizer before entering the Oval Office late Thursday afternoon.

'Try El Chapo's methamphetamine's! People can't believe how great they make you feel! They are really something!'

"Slam Dunk, Trump 2020!" Azkizer said, high-fiving his team after the meeting.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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