What was Donald Trump doing during the 187 minutes when his followers, (that he incited) were storming the Capitol? Long answer: Gleefully eating popcorn, while watching television as his followers were breaking into the nation’s Capitol building…
How could this have happened? First, their slick reputation, black sunglasses, talking into their sleeves, always looking about when a president was around, one even taking a bullet for President Reagan, and now? Not so slick. Black sunglasses are st…
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - One Secret Service agent who was assigned to Trump has just come out with a new book on the Trumptard. The book is called, "I Protected Trump - But I Felt As If I Was Actually Protecting Hitler." The tell-all…
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – The local ABC News affiliate is reporting that Donald Trump was out sunbathing in his backyard, when he was suddenly and viciously attacked by a marauding swarm of angry cicadas. Secret Service Agents were abl…
An anonymous source in Russia has reported that after years of trial and error, scientists have discovered a formula that can shrink an average human down to almost microscopic size. The source also reports that over 10,000 members of the Russian…
At first people assumed Vanessa Trump was just looking for a fling with an actual human male. But it soon became apparent she had more on her mind. Now we know she had a couple of objectives. Number 1 was to get herself a man, and she succeeded.
The Secret Service sounds the alarms this morning as President Joe Biden went missing and his whereabouts could not be determined. The agent that last saw him was with the president in the Oval Office. "He shuffled across the room to the washroom.
BILLINGSGATE POST: It had to happen sooner or later. While Vice-President under Barack Obama, there were complaints by female Secret Service Agents that they were uncomfortable when they were forced to watch Sleepy Joe take his morning swim in the Wh…
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – American Spotlight Magazine has just named their annual “Asshole of The Year,” and this year’s winner, by a landslide, is President Donald J. Trump. ASM writer Fitzwater Ribicoff, announced that the President received 47,…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump’s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media, who have given him a new nickname: #Loser. He insists that he really did not los…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - White House insiders say that the President is now sitting in his Presidential Bunker for up to 9 hours a day, sobbing like a baby. They note that he is getting much paler, and that he is actually starting to loo…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Department of Unemployment has just informed the news media, that one Donald John Trump has just submitted a pre-unemployment request to receive unemployment benefits. A representative for the DU, stated that…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – One of the Secret Service agents assigned to protect 14-year-old Barron Trump has said that he is very concerned with the President’s mental state. The unnamed agent commented that Trump is doing some really stra…
What are the chances the New York Attorney General’s office might serve Donald Trump with a subpoena during the Republican Convention? Eric Trump received a subpoena today, and Rudolph Giuliani is rumored to be next. After Rudy, could come Trump,…
A biography of Hollywood stunt wig, Derek Fig, shows he was once President Trump's stunt wig, and, despite windy conditions, never revealed himself. Fig, renowned for his work as Harry Potter's stunt public wig, was close to the action, so receiv…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Secret Service is reporting that, overnight, vandals tossed a 12-foot tall statue of Adolf Hitler onto the White House lawn. The statue was reportedly made of 65% plaster of Paris, 22% styrofoam, and 13% bullshit. The mag...
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland – The President and his creepy-looking Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin, were having lunch at a local KFC. An employee commented that the two were sitting at the far end of the restaurant like a couple of forlorn lovers. T...
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