Washington Redskins Now Washington Dersniks: NFL Approval Imminent

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 3 July 2020

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Facing mounting pressure to change the franchise’s moniker, the Washington Redskins organization said Friday it will change its name to Washington Dersniks.

The heat was turned up Thursday when FedEx — which has its brand on the team’s stadium, FedEx Field — became the latest company to communicate its request for Washington to change its team name. Recent pressure from investors and shareholders only added to the longstanding call from fans and Native American groups who have opposed the franchise’s name and logo, which they deem racist.

Owner Dan Snyder has refused past calls for change, claiming the team’s name was a “badge of honor.” But his vaunted defense finally collapsed Friday as he announced the change.

As you know, it has always been about the money. Dan Snyder never gave a rat’s ass about the tradition. Simply put, it was about having to spend the money for new uniforms and helmets, with the mandatory name change costs involved.

He considered many names: The Hogs, The Senators, The Presidents, and even gave some thought to The Monuments. But with all of the above having fallen from favor, especially The Monuments, he went deep and chose The Washington Dersniks as the official name.

An easy choice, as he considered the economics. Instead of having to change the name on the jerseys and helmets, he could merely supply everyone with reverse vision goggles that would allow for the Redskins to read “Dersniks.”

Etymologically speaking, there is some tradition to reversing the letters of a word so that they appear backwards. Linguistically, the use of semordnilaps has a cult following, with Dr. Billingsgate being one of its advocates. Billingsgate, who has numerous Ph.D’s, has never been at a loss to claim his authority of a subject when necessary to make a point.

But why the name “Dersniks,” you might ask. What does it mean in time and space.?

The Answer: Virtually nothing.

“Drsnik (Serbian Cyrillic: Дрсник), or Dërsnik or Dresnik (Albanian: Dërsniku or Dresniku), is a settlement in the Klina municipality of Kosovo.”

Slim: “The Doctor knows all, sees all, smells all and eats all.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Even the most obscure fact is mere drivel to him.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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