NFL Hires Colin Kaepernick to Take Knee Against Owners Who Support Police Brutality

Written by Amiko Aventurista

Sunday, 7 June 2020

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The Knee of Justice

NFL President, Roger Goddell, and former football star quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, made worldwide news during a joint press conference. The men announced a new partnership to promote social fairness and end to police brutality. The partnership marks a major turnaround in the relationship between Kaepernick and the NFL.

According to the joint statement, the NFL has hired Kaepernick to punish any NFL team owner who ignores and/or promotes police brutality. Most analysts expected a reconciliation of the two sides after the brutal murder of George Floyd by police. What surprised most analysts is the enforcement provision of the NFL/Kaepernick partnership.

Kaepernick says, the partnership agreement authorizes him to "... take a knee with or ON any NFL owner found guilty of dismissing, ignoring, belittling, or scoffing at police abuse. Of course, I will use my best judgment. If an owner says something stupid out of ignorance, we can take a knee together. If an owner makes a racist statement, he gets my knee with a cushion on his butt for 2-3 minutes. However, for extreme cases, where the owner takes a racist action, then I'll have no choice--Operation Floyd 8:46."


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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