President Trump Victim Of Humorless Nonsense Stories

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Friday, 22 May 2020

image for President Trump Victim Of Humorless Nonsense Stories
A woman protesting that she expects better from Trump agitators

It's been claimed that, although he is an incompetent fool, with few or no people skills, who has, against all rhyme, reason and common sense, become the forty-fifth President of the United States of America (POTUS), Donald Trump deserves better.

Mr. Trump, or POTUS, "the Peter Tweeter", "Baby Fingers", "the Orange Tweet Creep", "the Liar-in-Chief", "Trumpski", and "the Russian Colluder-in-Chief", as it is far-too-frequently claimed he is known by various celebrities, such as Meghan Markle, Nicki Minaj, Cher, and George Conway, has been the target of way too many stories which are complete and utter nonsense, unfunny, and hardly worth the effort it took to write them.

Having said that, it probably didn't take that much effort to write them.

In an effort to get Mr. Trump's thoughts on his treatment, we asked ace reporter Able Rodriguez to speak to the President.

Mr. Rodriguez asked Mr. Trump if it was true that he ate only McDonalds and KFC food, as Mr. Rodriguez always claims in his stories.

Mr. Trump replied that it was not, and is, at any rate, a rather weak gambit to use this 'joke' in a high percentage of the stories that are written about him.

Mr Rodriguez looked a little sheepish, and commented that, if he didn't use that joke, that one about that tattoo of Ivanka, that Stormy Daniels stuff, or that incessantly-recycled 'kiddycomment' that President Trump has a tiny 'pee-wee' peckerino, that he didn't have that much left in his locker.

At that, Mr. Trump said that, that was a lot of thats.

Mr. Rodriguez then smiled and commented that, when writing, that he has a tendency to forget everything he ever knew about grammar, and to overuse the word 'that'.

"That's OK," laughed Mr. Trump.

Mr. Rodriguez then smiled and asked Mr. Trump if he minded his persistently and repetitively quoting the President's wife, Melania, in English with a distinctive eastern European accent, in an attempt to generate laughs.

Mr. Trump responded that, that was another lame idea, but then commented that it was likely Melania had a better command of English than Mr. Rodriguez had of Slovenian. Indeed, countered Mr. Trump, for a native English speaker, Mr. Rodriguez was throwing rather too many stones from his glass house.

Mr. Rodriguez then smiled and asked Mr. Trump if he very much minded being quoted as using the pathetic expletive, "effen".

"Fuck, no!" asserted the President. "Just another one of your juvenile terms."

The number 1 spoof writer, who lives in The Himalayas, then smiled. He asked Mr. Trump if it were true that his wife, "Melly", hated living at the White House as much as he, Mr. Rodriguez, was constantly alleging, and wanted to return to Trump Tower.

Mr. Trump answered that that information must have come from Cher, Meghan Markle, Nicki Minaj, Tom Brady, George Conway, Beyoncé, Danica Patrick, Katie Holmes or the Houston Astros, and that, if she honestly felt like that, that that option was open to her, no problem.

The question was then raised what Mr. Trump thought about the writer's almost-daily by-now-tiresome, very-nearly unending, re-repetition that the President is prone to fibbing, as if this were, somehow, "newsworthy".

The President smiled, chuckled, laughed, became angry, yelled, took another bite out of his seventh Big Mac of the day, drank a liter of Pepsi, sent 50 Tweets, scratched his testicles and sniffed his fingers, then said:

"No, not effen really. Or yes, if you like, you mofo. It seems that, despite my being absurdly ridiculous, you never cease in your excrutiatingly-boring and adolescent one-man pursuit to make me sound even worse than I actually am, which is difficult, as everyone knows I am beyond being made to look any more ridiculous. It is as if the coffin lid has already been nailed down, riveted, and been encircled with huge, padlocked chains, and lowered into its grave, and here YOU are, frantically and desperately pushing drawing pins into it, before it's covered over with earth, and you have to search for some new target for your mirth."

In other news - new names are urgently being sought to drag more 'laughs' out of the subject of 'Donald Trump'. Also, new storylines are needed, as Big Macs, KFC, small hands and fingers, telling lies, an improper relationship between Trump and Sean Hannity, and Trump's allegedly-small pecker are rather 'old hat' now - not that they were ever 'new hat'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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