WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chicago Daily Wind newspaper is reporting that the Federal Bureau of Investigation, has issued a statement reminding Trump and Pence (the modern day Laurel & Hardy) that they are not above the law.
The Daily Wind noted that Pence visited the Mayo Clinic and refused to wear the protective mask.
Pence allegedly said that he is allergic to medical masks, ketchup, animal crackers, and sexy women.
“Old Man Vanilla” then added that his BFF, Trump, told him that he has prohibited him from wearing the mask, because it makes him look like a geriatric bank robber.
President Trump, when asked why Pence did not wear the mask, thus subjecting hundreds of patients, doctors, nurses, and janitors to the Coronavirus, replied: “Because the dud, I mean, the dude, does whatever the hell I say, and if I say that he doesn’t have to wear a mask, then that’s it, next gotcha question.”
The FBI has stated that they will conduct a very thorough investigation on Trump and Pence’s blatant refusal to wear protective masks, and they vow to leave no bone spurs unturned.