Household cures for Covid 19 à la Trump

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Wednesday, 29 April 2020

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Keep a lucky charm in your pocket...

Following Mr. Trump's stunning suggestion concerning the injection of disinfectant to overcome this infuriating Covid thing which simply won't go away, the White House has issued leaflets with further recommendations for the general public, emanating from the Great White President himself.

Those not wishing to administer themselves a shot of Clorox - and it sure is difficult to get hold of these days - can use broth. Strain the broth to remove any clumps or meat, so that you have a sort of stock. Inject it once a day to ensure immunity. Peter Shale, of San Francisco, gave himself a dose of whale broth, then jumped from a levee in Long Beach, South California, and swam breaststroke to Peru where he now repairs llama paths.

Soak your facemask in garlic to ensure social distancing, explains the leaflet. The President rubs his body down with basil leaves after breakfast. He also recommends biting on a lead pencil whenever you can. This may result in lead poisoning, but such a death is quicker and 'less scary' than coronavirus, he states.

Americans should also get used to drinking their own urine. This was a sure way to reduce depletion of water resources and guaranteed immunity. "Nobody as yet who died from this Covid thing drank their own urine in their week of death," said Trump. Experts point out that no-one who died from the virus had been to the moon in their week of death, either. Some things were simply unpalatable...or unfathomable.

And luck is, of course, also referred to. Trump prefers the old Alabama custom of keeping a courgette in your trouser pocket. Though this can be misconstrued, and is conspicuous on public transport.

Further leaflets are being prepared. The President was clearly pleased at being able to distribute his wisdom. "I'm really getting into this now," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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