Slacker Struggles to Pretend COVID-19 Has Negatively Affected Him

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 20 March 2020

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Self-identified slacker Sam Josephson had the advantage of getting comfortable with lack of structure long before COVID-19.

In the midst of the financial downturn as a result of the COVID-19 epidemic, Sam Josephson of Brooklyn, New York, who admitted to being somewhat of a "slacker," has struggled to maintain the façade that the coronavirus crisis has negatively affected him.

“I had a part-time gig, but that ended long before the coronavirus stuff really hit the fan,” said Sam. “So I was already at loose ends before all this happened.”

Sam explained that, as a result of his unemployment, he’d already gotten in the habit of living in his pajamas and watching tons of Netflix. “I feel bad for people who are having a tough time adjusting to not having any structure due to COVID-19,” he said. “I had the advantage of getting pretty comfortable with that a long time ago.”

And, while Sam, like many Americans, is not currently generating any income, he’s not actually making any less than he was before the COVID-19 pandemic. “The one good thing about my income, is that it’s generally been quite consistent,” he quipped.

"My girlfriend is feeling the pressure, though," he said. "She's got enough saved to pay our rent for a few months, but after that, we're out of luck. I'm doing my best to support her through this stressful time."

Sam says that he empathizes tremendously with Americans who are unemployed, underemployed, or otherwise struggling to make ends meet as a result of the coronavirus crisis. “We’re all in the same boat,” he said. “I just happened to get in that boat a long time ago, before most everyone else.” He chuckled. “Fortunately, it’s a big boat. Plenty of room for everyone.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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