Big companies need big paychecks, so Apple, Microsoft, Amazon and others are laying off tons of workers. “It’s not us, it’s the recession … it’s a much better excuse than blaming the rich,” said one source who ran screaming from my microphone.
Washington - The stocks market suffered a huge setback on Thursday after Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell, in his monthly report to Congress, shared the news that his wife and kids had told him at dinner one night recently that prices for every…
In the midst of the financial downturn as a result of the COVID-19 epidemic, Sam Josephson of Brooklyn, New York, who admitted to being somewhat of a "slacker," has struggled to maintain the façade that the coronavirus crisis has negatively affected...
Crack dealers have probably been hit hardest in the recent recession. That, and the proliferation of cheap pharmaceuticals on the Internet. "We can't give this stuff away anymore. People just aren't into smoking crack anymore. Why go to all the...
George Osborne, the Human Resources manager put in charge of the economy of the UK, has admitted that due to a slight technical error (Osborne: "In the previous administration, mention that!") made by the previous administration, austerity measures w...
Local teen hookers are doing pretty well in this rough economy according to a Pew Research Poll. The Poll taken the last week of December 2013 showed that the average hourly pay for teen hookers is up 12% from the same time last year. "I think t...
Bad breath rates among middle-aged workers go up during economic booms and dip when we are heading for a recession, according to W.H.O. (World Halitosis Organization). These breath-taking findings come from a survey of the GDP and bad-breath rates...
In an effort to appeal to younger and female demographics, the Wall Street Journal ran an editorial in its weekend edition entitled "Ten ways to drive your economy wild", reproduced here. 1. Send your economy salacious consumer confidence indicators throughout the day. 2. Dirty talk: don't be afraid to show your economy your inner Chairman of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction.
New York -- After more than five years of intense investigations and calculations, a panel of 27 accountants has discovered the direct cause of the ongoing collapse of the world's economy. Its finding: A bookkeeper for a tax accounting firm head...
Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis. "No, this is not...
Washington, DC -- The upside of the government's sequester initiative is a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit. The downside is that the blunt force action will produce many unanticipated cuts and changes that will adversely affect every American.
As the Triple Dip recession bites deeper, and the population at large has even less money to spend on unnecessary items, such as clothes and food, charity shops are starting to feel the pinch previously only felt by first hand shops, such as River Pe...
Washington DC - Forget about trillion dollar coins. A request by President Obama for new ways to pay off the national debt has prompted an avalanche of better scams and more sophisticated innovations designed to rescue America from bankruptcy. In...
With the economy in the state that it is in, the rising cost of weddings has become something that many men are deciding against tying the knot. "It costs several thousand quid," said Harry Balls, a mathematics lecturer from Sheffield University,...
Keystone, South Dakota - The Mount Rushmore National Memorial was severely damaged last night by a missile fired by a US military drone. The attack apparently was commissioned by Congress in what is now being called "a clerical error." "Our bad,"...
Sparks and Mensa, the High Street store that the intelligentsia know and love has announced lower pre-tax profits than at this point last year. "Our pre-tax profits are down by just over ten percent," said accountant, Ben Counter, who has shown be...
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