President Trump Says He Wants Ex-NASCAR Driver Danica Patrick To Be His Personal Driver

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Thursday, 5 March 2020

image for President Trump Says He Wants Ex-NASCAR Driver Danica Patrick To Be His Personal Driver
The 37-year-old Danica Patrick is the girlfriend of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has hinted that POTUS is not very happy with his present presidential chauffeur.

Apparently, Trump caught his driver listening to CNN as he was driving Melania to the supermarket. Melania reportedly informed her husband that it is no big deal, since she, herself, occasionally watches CNN when she is alone in their bedroom.

Melania commented that she thinks that Anderson Cooper is very cute. She even implied that she does not care one bit for Donnie’s BFF Sean Hannity.

The first lady pointed out that Hannity talks way too loud, and when he looks at her with those penetrating eyes, it gives her the creeping creepy creepies.

The president assured his wife that, even though Sean is, indeed, a very weird fella, he always gives him really good, long, impressive words to mention at his rallies; like asparagus, photosynthesis, and Mississippi.

Trump personally called Danica on her cell phone, and offered her the job of being his personal driver.

She reportedly told him that she appreciated the offer, but she is used to just making left turns and driving in D.C. traffic would give her a lot of needless stress.

IN RELATED NEWS – Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s top aide, says that the president will visit Egypt, but not until the Two-Humped Camel Scandal dies down.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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