WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Washington Globe Express is reporting that President Trump has just announced an update on the Coronavirus.
He told the Globe Express that he is going to legally change the name of the virus from the foreign-sounding Coronavirus to the more American sounding Crownvirus.
When asked why he would do that, the man that George Conway calls "Old Pumpkin Face" got visibly upset and yelled out, “Because I am the king, I mean the president, and that title gives me a lot of unlimited power." He cracked his knuckles, and added, "So, if I want to paint the White House red or zebra-striped, I can friggin do it.”
The leader of the free world then said that he is also considering changing the foreign-sounding name Brazil Nuts to Washington Nuts.
IN CLOSING - A White House staff member said that, regarding her husband’s nutty name change, Melania remarked, “Oh my words, eat lukes like my husbundt he has finally losted dee berry last friggin marble dat he had in hees orange head.”