BILLINGSGATE POST: A potential apocalypse averted: Outmanned and outgunned, the albino raccoon hairpiece of President Trump surrendered to FBI Storm Troopers early this morning. In an audacious mix of chutzpah and downright arrogance, the FBI strike force completed its mission without firing a shot.
Armed to the teeth, with automatic weapons equipped with night vision scopes, dozens of camouflaged FBI goombahs wearing raccoon-proof vests, emerged from armored attack vehicles outside the White House. The sun had yet to rise. Darkness was their friend.
Roger Stone: “Deja vu all over again.”
Not since Attorney General Janet Reno ordered the Waco siege of a compound belonging to the Branch Davidians in 1993, has there been such a display of might against a civilian or raccoon target. In this battle, four ATF agents and six Branch Davidians were killed.
The albino raccoon hairpiece decorating the balding pate of President Trump was caught by surprise. A gift from Vladimir Putin, how was Trump to know that the beady eyes that peered out from under the orangish hair recorded everything the President did or said? Trump trusted Vladimir like a brother. And he loved his new hairpiece like a son.
“Mr. President, sir,” exclaimed the Squadron Leader.
“I would like to inform you that we have to confiscate your hairpiece under provisions of the Alien and Sedition Acts. Regretfully, we will have to relieve you of your albino raccoon hairpiece and deport it back to Russia. The raccoon was wired and sending everything you said back to Vladimir.”
Trump: “You gotta be kidding. I trusted that sum bitch. Can’t believe he would do that to me.”
Slim: “Never trust a commie-pinko bearing gifts.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Or their proletariat friends.”