Scoop: Coronavirus Way Bigger Than Harry Maguire

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 2 March 2020

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Coronavirus

BILLINGSGATE POST: Now that it has been established that neither Harry Maguire nor England is the center of the universe, one must reach back in history to uncover any event more devastating to the status quo than the Coronavirus.

With zombies being a dime a dozen, Maguire has been afforded little coverage, as the build-up over the allusive virus has replaced the hysteria generated by a bum footballer and his chronicler, Monkey Woods.

Not since Queen Elizabeth II was diagnosed with TPWKS (Terminal Persimmon Winter-Kill Syndrome) just after England won the World Cup trophy on July 30, 1966, at Wembley Stadium - a period of 54 years - has a medical condition taken over front page coverage from a football player or event.

Slim: “It’s about time.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Maybe that is why it’s called the Coronavirus.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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