Trump To Abolish Leap Year for Treating Him Very Unfairly

Written by David E. Wesley

Monday, 2 March 2020

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WASHINGTON, D.C.- With the stock market plummeting past correction territory, global coronavirus fears, and a constant barrage of criticism from journalists and Democrats for his egregious lies, President Trump announced on February 29th that he will use his executive order to abolish Leap Year.

"Leap Year has treated me very, very unfairly," the 45th President said to a throng of his sycophants in Jupiter, Florida. "Nobody knows this, but Leap Year has always been a loser. Just a terrible, terrible year, and Leap Day is not needed. It's never been needed for anything. If we get rid of both Leap Year and Leap Day, whatever, what is it good for, anyway? If we get rid of it, it will save us billions and billions of dollars. China is making a killing off of us by making us celebrate Leap Year. It's a total mess."

Julius Caesar was behind the origin of leap year in 45 BC. The general-turned-consul-turned-dictator, with his astronomer Sosigenes, discovered that Leap Years are necessary, because the actual length of a year is 365.242 days, not 365 days, as commonly stated, and it keeps the Gregorian calendar in sync with the Earth's rotation around the sun.

When this information was pointed out to President Trump after his speech by a White House fact checker, he replied, "I know Julius Caesar very well. He's doing a tremendous job. Great guy. He told me that The Art of the Deal was his favorite book. Have you read it yet?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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