Harvey Weinstein Fondles Cellmate's Testicles

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 26 February 2020

image for Harvey Weinstein Fondles Cellmate's Testicles
Butter similar to that which didn't melt in Weinstein's mouth

Harvey Weinstein, the former Hollywood movie producer who, on Monday, was convicted of rape and sexual assault at his trial in New York City, and now faces up to 25 years in jail, has already landed himself in hot water after allegedly fondling the testicles of his cellmate at Riker's Island jail.

The 67-year-old escaped conviction of the most serious count of predatory sexual assault, but this was exactly what happened when he was placed in his cell, where he will await details of his sentence.

Weinstein had complained of chest pains after the verdict, but, after a short visit to Bellevue Hospital, he was bundled into a prison van, and packed off to jail. Once there, he was stripped naked, and searched, then allocated a cell with long-term prisoner, Wally Buttkiss, serving 18 years for aggravated assault and armed robbery.

The guard told the ex-movie mogul, as he slammed his cell door shut:

"That'll keep you quiet, you animal!"

Within thirty minutes however, Weinstein had convinced the gullible Buttkiss that he could turn his extraordinary life story into a major Hollywood hit, if only the robber would follow the rapist's instructions.

There was a scream, and guards rushed into the cell to find Buttkiss cowering in a corner with his trousers around his ankles, and Weinstein sitting innocently on the edge of his bed, looking as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

And, indeed, after staff brought some butter from the prison kitchen, and it was placed in Weinstein's mouth, it didn't melt, and he was allowed to suck it a bit, then swallow it, which appeared to give him great pleasure.

Later, the prison governor moved his eyebrows up and down menacingly, as he said:

"Some of the other prisoners have already requested the use of butter for some other purpose. Don't worry, we're going to take good care of Mr Weinstein whilst he's staying here with us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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