Weinstein Consulting With Vatican on How to Avoid Prison Sentence for Rape

Funny story written by Sasa Stankovic

Tuesday, 25 February 2020

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We promise never to bugger young boys again

Justice has been served, or so it seems, in Harvey Weinstein's case. As the world rejoices at the fact that someone rich and powerful finally goes to prison, a Weinstein’s adviser, who insisted on remaining anonymous, believes there is still hope.

“Not so fast,” he said to our correspondent “We live in a world in which you can commit unspeakable crimes and get away with it. Some of the wrongdoers–many of them my client’s former friends–hold positions in the US and other governments, and some are even former presidents.”

“For example, they can illegally invade and bomb a sovereign country and kill thousands of innocent civilians – yet people will believe them when they say it was for a just cause. My client’s crimes seem irrelevant compared to the hideous acts committed by these powerful players.“

“We put all our hopes in humble, god-fearing friends in the Vatican. They were in a somewhat similar situation some years ago. A few of their employees, Catholic priests, sexually assaulted very young boys, and, as far as I know, none of them went to prison. The priests were removed from their positions and forced to promise they will never do it again."

“We hope the Vatican will give us a few tips on how to do deals with powerful people, pull strings behind the scene, and use blackmail and illegal payments to make the whole thing go away.”

“My client claims his victims asked for it, the moment they decided to make it or break it in Hollywood. After all, they were all grown women who knew what it takes to succeed in the film industry.”

“Our team hopes it’s not too late to reverse the whole thing. It would be fair if Harvey Weinstein just retired and promised he will never do it again.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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