Survey: More of Britain's elderly now send grandchildren to bed early so they can have sex

Written by Clive Danton

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

image for Survey: More of Britain's elderly now send grandchildren to bed early so they can have sex

According to a recent report, there has been a sharp increase in the number of people over 60 who are sending their grandchildren to bed early so that they can have sex on the sofa.

With many parents using their own mothers and fathers to take care of their children while they are at work or enjoying an evening out, a growing number of grandparents have resorted to sending youngsters to bed before 8.00 pm, so that they can have hurried sex in the lounge, while keeping an ear out for any noises upstairs which could lead to a hurried withdrawal and a frantic pulling up of underwear.

The report by a team from Cambridge University, also points to a marked increase in the number of retired couples cuffing their grandchildren around the back of the head and shouting, 'No, we're NOT nearly fucking there yet,' during car journeys.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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