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Worboys Worries

We at Back and to the Left news aren't qualified to do a number of jobs. Brain surgeon, structural engineer, milkman or professional sportsmen are all occupations that are well beyond us. However it seems that being a member of the UK justice systems...

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Hey girls, here's 20 things to tell Harvey Weinstein to get out of his clutches -

Funny story: Hey girls, here's 20 things to tell Harvey Weinstein to get out of his clutches -

1) Harvey, my boyfriend is a bodyguard for Vladimir Putin. On weekends, he bounces at biker bars. 2) Harvey, my boyfriend only plays chess with serial killers. The loser always gets hacked to pieces with a machete'. 3) Harvey, I have a headache...

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Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Funny story: Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Fuchsia, Purplonia [PP] -- An Earthling woman says she was told to put a purple shirt over her orange top while shopping at PlumMart or leave the store. Amber Green told The Tentacle Times she was shopping at a Fuchsian PlumMart with her sister la...

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Women's Groups want Rapeseed Renamed

Funny story: Women's Groups want Rapeseed Renamed

[PP] -- Major women's rights organizations want rapeseed renamed to prevent what they see as trivializing rape. Women First spokeswoman, Connie Lingus, says, "It's impossible for a plant to be raped. How can a plant know the horror of a crime that's...

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Mark Twain Returns To Earth, Says Whites "Drug Addicted Rapists"

Funny story: Mark Twain Returns To Earth, Says Whites "Drug Addicted Rapists"

Mark Twain befriended figures such as Harriet Beecher Stowe and Frederick Douglass, wrote that slavery dehumanizes both the slave and slaveowner, and wrote a series of articles protesting discrimination against Chinese immigrants and exposing police...

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Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

Funny story: Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

In a surprising twist the men who were coerced as teens into making a false confession of rape are now openly calling for the death penalty to punish Donald Trump. The Central Park Five have even taken out an ad in the Daily News, the same newspaper...

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Hillary Should Smile When She Discusses Rape In Military

Funny story: Hillary Should Smile When She Discusses Rape In Military

On Wednesday night, democratic nominee for president Hillary Clinton used her time during the Commander-in-Chief Forum to talk about, among other things, national security, and how to confront ISIS, veteran's suicide, rape in the military, and taking...

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Indian Man Consumes Chowmein, Turns Into Raging Rapist

Funny story: Indian Man Consumes Chowmein, Turns Into Raging Rapist

Ram Singh Tharki, a resident of Gurgaon, had no idea what was in store for him when he set out for his usual haunt, Kakke Da Dhaba, and ordered a plate of extra spicy chow mein. On consuming a spoonful of the chow mein, Tharki had an irresistible...

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GOP Defends Torture

Funny story: GOP Defends Torture

The GOP today released a statement in support of "enhanced interrogation" otherwise know as torture used by the CIA. The first six points the republicans use in their support are the most significant arguments and are presented here: 1) Just a...

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Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Funny story: Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Speaking on Ohio State's new sexual assault policy, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh had his own ideas of what consent to sex means. "How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?...

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Cardinal Baloney: Sister Uses Wrong Shoe Polish

Funny story: Cardinal Baloney: Sister Uses Wrong Shoe Polish

Responding to widespread coverage of the church pedophile scandal in Chicago, Cardinal Baloney today issued a statement on behalf of the College of Cardinals based in Rome. At a news conference yesterday, in Chicago, personnel files of 65 pedoph...

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US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

Funny story: US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

An unspecified spokesperson has come forward to speak for the unspecified commander who told a military rape victim she was at fault for being attacked in 2012. According to this commander, she must assume complete responsibility, because she was...

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Apathetic Sex Offenders Gleeful at the Prospect of a New Challenge

Funny story: Apathetic Sex Offenders Gleeful at the Prospect of a New Challenge

Sex offenders who have lost their appetite for crime are to be given a new zeal for acts of a heinous nature thanks to some soon to be released products known as Anti Rape Underwear. AR Wear, the company behind the products, will see prototypes ro...

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The Truth about the Grand TV Experiment

Funny story: The Truth about the Grand TV Experiment

Back and to the Left News has discovered a new sociology test that has been running on the British public over the last five years. The test, run in conjunction with Ofcom has come to the conclusion that anyone who watches a TV show and then complain...

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Celebrity misquotes

Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...

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Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Funny story: Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Drink-spiking drug and racoon laxative, Rohypnol, actually counts as one of your five-a-day according to sometimes sex offender, Gavin McCloroform. Gavin, a thirty-eight-year-old dietician from Cardiff, claims the drug is misunderstood and with t...

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Sex Offenders come back on the offensive

Sir Geoffrey Punt, prominent MP for the East Anglia area has come forward and delivered the most stinging attack on the UKs immigration policy. "Thousands of foreign criminals and sex offenders are roaming our streets like packs of wild dogs. Pre...

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Akin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'

Funny story: Akin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'

Washington DC - Rep. Todd Akin's recent comments about rape and abortion indicate that he is better suited for long-term stay in a psychiatric ward than he is for a Senate seat. Specifically, he told a television interviewer that in cases of "legi...

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Breaking news…

Inspector General’s Report Is Out

Much like a school report card, the Inspector General’s report is out and James Comey received an F for failure. Who’ve guess? Because he gave the world Donald Trump, he should have received a Z.
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