WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump was smiling like the Shetland pony that ate the canary. He had just won the New Hampshire Primary without ever setting foot in the Mushroom Pizza State. He captured 91% of the vote.
“Hey losers!” He yelled from the White House balcony. “I told you that I am the bestest, most strongest, and most smartest president in the history of effen presidents.”
“El Pumpkin Head” as Michelle Obama calls him, took a bite out of his Big Mac and said, “I am such a damn good political politician that I am going to see about taking that loser Tommy Jefferson off the nickel and replacing him with my handsome as hell face.”
Trump was holding a golf club in one hand as he took another bite out of his Big Mac. Melania was standing beside him wearing a pair of skinny jeans that looked like they had been painted on her and a “Be Best” blue halter top.
Trump moved toward her sensuously succulent mouth to give her a kiss and she put up her hand and was heard to whisper, “Hey bozo get out of my face, you smell waaaaay too oniony.”
(IN CLOSING – A reporter for The Washington Globe-Express talked to Trump who commented. “Okay first let me say that there was no friggin collusion and secondly, now I’m off to Puerto Rico where I am 99.8% sure that I'll win that country’s Republican Primary.)