President Trump Impersonator Arrested

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 8 February 2020

image for President Trump Impersonator Arrested
There's only one Donald Trump, thank fuck

A man accused of attempting to impersonate the US president, Donald Trump, has been arrested by police in Washington, DC.

The man, whose true identity has not yet been established, was apprehended in the Safeway supermarket in Fairlington, where he was doing his weekly grocery shopping.

Seasoned security guards knew immediately this was not Mr. Trump, but customers weren't so sure.

One, Carol Perkin, said:

"I wanted some washing powder, but it was on the top shelf, and I couldn't reach. I asked an old man if he could help me, but then I realized it was President Trump!"

Or was it?

"He said, "Yes, ma'am!", and got it for me. He was so polite, and didn't once grab me in the crotch!"

Another fooled by the doppelganger was Conchita Alvarez, who is Mexican. She said:

"I was walking to the restroom, and I saw President Trump coming towards me, through the doors. He held the door open for me, smiled and said "ladies first, madam". I was so shocked!"

Brenda Freeman was struggling to carry her five bags of groceries to her car, when she was approached by 'President Trump'. He insisted on taking the weight off her hands, and carried her bags all the way to her vehicle, telling her it was "no problem".

"He was such a gentleman. I couldn't believe my eyes! Nothing like I expected President Trump to be," she said.

But Trump-haters were also fooled. Ed Hammer said:

"He was the spitting image of Donald Trump. That's why I spit on him."

Despite his selfless and helpful, kindly acts, the 'impostor' was dragged away by store security officer Stephen Seagull, who thought it best to be on the safe side.

The man was later interviewed by FBI operatives, and is currently thought to be considering an offer of employment, once the original President Trump has been 'dealt with'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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