WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump was smiling like the Shetland pony that ate the canary. He had just won the New Hampshire Primary without ever setting foot in the Mushroom Pizza State. He captured 91% of the vote. “Hey losers!” He yelled from the...
Washington, DC - Since 1874 the Republican Party has been symbolized by the elephant, in contrast to the Democratic Party's donkey. Yesterday the GOP announced that it will no longer use the elephant in any advertising or other campaigns. After...
By wild acclamation, Republicans have elected Batman to run as the party's presidential nominee. Donald Trump, claiming that he owns Gotham City, railed against the convention's decision. "I bet Batman's dick is just, full-throttle, 2 inches lon...
Republican frontrunner Donald Trump is promising to 'make it interesting' and campaign shirtless if he doesn't do well in New Hampshire and has said he's prepared to go 'all the way' if necessary in the lead up to Super Tuesday. Throwing fistfuls...
DETROIT--On Wednesday morning, reporters gathered in the Motor City to hear legendary rocker Vincent Furnier--better known as Alice Cooper-- announce that he was vying to run for president under the Republican banner. Cooper added that, in an unusua...
WASHINGTON, DC - Standing at a modest 18-full-grown-men tall, the sentient wrecking ball that is Koktor is setting fire to recent Republican polls. Having arrived on the political stage just days after defending the Pacific coast from a radioactive o...
Attendees at a recent Republican debate were surprised to see Donald Trump sporting a "Hitler" haircut, complete with a toothbrush mustache tattooed onto his upper lip. Before the words "Definite improvement" or "Accurate reflection of the man's id...
ANUTA ISLAND- "He's going to get around to insulting us sooner or later" was the sentiment echoed by the Anuta tribe of smallest inhabited location on the planet. The inhabitants of the tiny Polynesian island, Anuta, have released a statement whic...
(New York) FOX News President Roger Ailes, in association with the New York State Athletic Commission President Tom Hoover and the Ohio Athletic Commission Chairman Tim Ochsenhirt, this morning outlined the protocol and procedures that have been adop...
Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina has emerged as the new frontrunner in the race for the republican nomination. Figures from the latest polls show her ahead by at least 69 percentage points. The surge was attributed to a recent change in her campaig...
New York, NY With the Romney campaign entering full Vice-Presidential Candidate search mode, our investigative reporting uncovered a document floating a surprising name as a potential candidate: Ted Nugent. After much snooping, we retrieved a...
Faced with an unpleasant choice in a rapidly narrowing but still unappealing field of presidential hopefuls, Republican voters this week asked television host Meredith Vieira if they could please use one of their lifelines to help them pick the corre...
Yesterday afternoon, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum flabbergasted supporters at a campaign rally in western Arizona by discussing the often-taboo issue of mental health - including that of himself and the other presidential candidate...
The entire Republican presidential race took an unexpected turn when Newt Gingrich got hold of Mitt Romney's etch a sketch and shook the crap out of it. The incident occurred at a Houma, Louisiana gumbo bar called Mumbo Dumbo's Gumbo where both cand...
In an effort to solidify support in the Midwest, Mitt Romney held a press conference in Jefferson City, Missouri, to address what he called a "glaring gap" in Republican policy: nutrition. Romney told carnivorous voters that Missouri, the second-lead...
Accidentally falling into the hands of reporters yesterday, Mitt Romney's campaign bus travel menu may indicate more about the candidate than he would prefer. Like other candidates on the campaign trail, Romney travels with his own cooking staff a...
Risk Sanatorium, trying to be the strong conservative in the GOP Primary sweepstakes, picked up on the announcement from the Pentagon that more women in US armed forces will be serving in the front line. "Oh no!" he exclaimed, "This is not the w...
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