NOGALES, Arizona – President Trump was in Nogales to dedicate a memorial to Apollo Diddawinski, 84, the man who single-handedly planted over 900,000 saguaro cactuses all over the state. And he did it while driving in a Volkswagen Beetle.
The president was told by a reporter with The iNews Agency that members of Arizona’s proud Rickatricka Tribe are furious that the border wall construction workers are destroying sacred Indian ground.
Chief Horse Feathers stated that the workers have already destroyed a statue that had been put up back in 1927, honoring Sitting Hippo, the Sacred Indian God of Tee Pees.
The chief added that the workers have also totally destroyed the plaque commemorating the exact spot where Chief Cow-With-Three-Horns great-great-great grandmother, Caribou Nipples, was conceived over 140 years ago.
When Trump was asked to comment on the damage the wall construction company is doing, he smirked and said, “Look, America was founded by the Quaker Oats pilgrims. And those brave Amish folks battled hurricanes, fog, mosquitoes, and roving bands of teenage Mohawks, Iroquois, and Toyotas.”
He then added, “My beautiful, impenetrable, unclimbable, undiggable, and unAmerican 61-foot wall is going up, and nobody, no effen body, not even the Norwegians, is going to stop it."
He went on to say, "So I suggest that you all just pack up all of your belongings, including your pet buffaloes, and skidaddle out west to Oakland, home of the Oakland Warriors.”
[IN CLOSING – President Trump is seriously considering moving the Independence Day holiday from July 4th to August 7th.]