John Bolton Reveals That President Trump Wanted To Buy Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Saturday, 1 February 2020

image for John Bolton Reveals That President Trump Wanted To Buy Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras
A White House spokesperson is denying reports that 2 adult woodchucks were found in Barron Trump's bedroom.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump’s former security advisor, John Bolton, has made a startling revelation about the Liar-In-Chief, as Bolton and so many other White House staff members refer to the acting president (behind his back, of course).

Bolton spoke with Consolidated News Magazine’s Tweedie Funkweiser at a local Mexican restaurant, The Enchanted Enchilada. He told her that, one night after POTUS had downed 7 Big Macs, he called him into his bedroom.

The former national security advisor said that the president informed him that he had decided that he was going to have the American taxpayers buy the countries of Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras.

Bolton almost swallowed his weird-as-hell-looking white mustache. “What the hell did you just say, Donnie?” he asked. Trump told him that it was a brilliantly-perfect idea. He went on to say that, if he bought those three countries where 91.6 % of all illegal aliens come from, it would put a stop to 91.6% of the illegal alien problem.

“But with all due respect, Mr. President," Bolton asked, “just exactly how in the friggin’, frackin', effed-up world do you figure that?”
Trump remarked, “You know Bolty, if your IQ was half as much as my brilliantly-perfect IQ, you would be able to figure it out. Your president commands you to stop acting like a dumbass loser.”

POTUS then added, “I’ll buy those three countries, and then I will send 74,000 U.S. marines to make sure that not one of those illegalites gets out of those poor-as-hell countries.”

“Wow! Sir, that is one hell of a brilliant idea!" Bolton stated. "You are, without a doubt, the most intelligent man or woman that I have ever known.”

The president took a bite out of his KFC chicken wing, grinned and replied, “You freakin’ bozo, that is exactly why the American people elected me president by more than 27.2 million votes.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more