HOLLYWOOD – The word coming out of the Left Coast is that first lady Melania Trump, 49, has agreed to appear on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars.
Tinsel Town Spotlight Magazine’s Buffy Fillapippi reports that she personally spoke to Melania’s pedicurist, Mr. Mimosa. The world-renowned pedicurist said that, at first, the stunningly-sexy, long-legged first lady was a little hesitant, but when her husband (the president) flat out told her that he forbade her from setting foot in California, she decided to put her foot down and dance on the show (no pun intended).
Mimosa quoted Melania as saying, “Donald may be the president of his base, but he is not the president of my slender body. I am a sensuous woman who has needs, urges and desires, and I don’t mean physical ones or sexual ones, but creative, happy, semi-orgasmic ones."
She went on to say "Dancing on DWTS will make me feel like the semi-proud woman that has been inside me, hiding for fear of having my ball of stress, non-colluding husband deport me back to my home country of Slovenia, formerly Yugoslavia.”
CNN's Wolf Blitzer asked the president what he thought about his third wife appearing on DWTS, and he remarked, “Look Wolfy, I don’t give a rattlesnake’s ass what Marla (Maples) does." When told that Marla was his second wife, and that Melania is his third and current wife, he paused, counted on his fingers, and replied, “Hey Blitzy everyone, except for thousands of Democrats, know that I am the most perfect president in the history of presidents. And, in the past three years, this is my very first mistake. So, loser, don’t you mention my tiny little fingers, ah, I mean my tiny little mistake, or I will have you deported to the poor side of Tijuana, Mexico by next Tuesday.”
(IN CLOSING – Former Fox News host Megyn Kelly has denied the rumor that she will soon be joining the cast of Netflix’s The Ranch as Ashton Kutcher's 49-year-old love interest).