PALM BEACH, Florida – A spokesperson for The Palm Beach Sheriff’s Department said that gunshots rang out at The Southern White House.
Lt. Huckleberry “Bubba” Porkinski, 52, said that there were a total of 73 shots that were fired in the vicinity of the president’s mansion and club. He added that the shooter was caught, and he has been identified as one Earl Bruce Hollandbeck, 47.
Hollandbeck, whose nickname is “Twinkie”, is allegedly linked to the Knights of The Magnolia Bouquet, which is, reportedly, believed to be a gay spin-off chapter of the Mississippi Ku Klux Klan.
Lt. Porkinski said that he personally knows “Twinkie”, and commented that he does not think that he is actually a member of that White extremist group. He remarked, “Look “Twinkie” can’t be the shooter. One, I happen to know that he loves Donald Trump like a boyfriend, and two, he doesn’t even own a gun, although he has been known to carry a whip."
When Trump was told about the shooting incident, he remarked, “It’s those Democrats who are behind this, it’s a witch hunt and I’m blaming Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi, Adam “The Pit Bull” Schiff, and Bambino “Butterball” Birkenheimer."
A visibly shaken Melania Trump reportedly told her pedicurist, Mr. Mimosa, that she wants to move back to Manhattan because whenever she hears gunshots she breaks out in a horrible pubic rash.
IN CLOSING – One of The Mar-a-Lago maids said that she overheard Trump say that he will be signing an executive order to have “Twinkie” Hollandbeck deported back to Iceland.