WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump met with Kitty Sequoia, 29, with the iNews Agency in the White House's Hilary Clinton Commemorative Dining Room. He informed her that US-Mexico relations have never been better.
The president said that he had received a very nice phone call from the Mexican president. “Yes, old Panchito (Villa) told me that he is so happy that I hardly ever insult him anymore.” The president went on to say, “I told him that it was because I'm way too busy insulting losers like Nancy “Cupcakes" Pelosi, Charles “Chucky Wucky” Schumer, Jerry “The Little Dude” Nadler, and Chrissy “Thunder Thighs” Teigen.”
Trump said that Villa told him that he was going to FedEx him a case of Como Se Llama Cerveza (beer) and a box of Diet Fighting Bull Tamales. “Now, I don’t drink,” POTUS commented, “But I’ll give the beer to my personal chauffeur Wolfgang Pettifinster. Now, that son-of-a-bitch can drink a heck of a lot of friggin' beer, and I ain’t lying.”
Trump said that he would be keeping the Fighting Bull Tamales for himself because they only have .37 calories per tamale, and they are very high in potassium, which helps to keep, as he said, his fantastic perfect-looking hair as gorgeous and as sexy as it does.
IN CLOSING – Trump said that President Villa promised him that he would be mailing him a check on Wednesday for $913.50 to go towards the payment of the wall.