Hannibal Lector Scores New Epstein Lampshade: Where’s The Meat?

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

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Where’s The Meat?

BILLINGSGATE POST: A newly-released video showing forensic psychiatrist and taxidermist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, carrying a lampshade out of the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York City, was released this morning as part of the probe into the alleged suicide of billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

This video information has provided new fodder to speculation that Epstein was killed, and that the report by the New York City Medical Examiner that he committed suicide is merely a cover story to proffer an excuse for the bungled confinement of the infamous pedophile.

Dr. Lector, who was also implicated in the disappearance of journalist Jamal Khashoggi earlier this year, was shown leaving the Saudi Embassy in Turkey with an object that appeared to be a lampshade. To the casual observer who might read this, it might shed some light on the subject to understand that Dr. Lector has a lampshade fetish. It might also provide new fodder to speculation that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, who was a friend of Epstein, might have had something to do with Epstein’s alleged suicide.

Not to be overlooked is Prince Andrew. He too had a connection to both Epstein and Hannibal Lector. His mother, Queen Elizabeth, was not pleased to see a picture of him embracing a very young lady in a British tabloid.

To further illustrate the mounting evidence that Mr. Epstein had many so called “friends” who might have had reason to permanently quiet the pedophile, one must not forget Bill Clinton. With the newly released painting showing Clinton posing in a copy of Monica’s blue dress, speculation that both he and Hillary were displeased rocked the Beltway; he, because he was trying to forget the incident, Hillary, because it was evident that his legs were sexier than hers. The list linking them to others who have gone to the happy hunting ground just grew by one.

President Trump has speculated, that a “rogue killer” could be responsible for Epstein’s demise. Noting that Hannibal Lecter certainly fits in this category, Trump mentioned that he would defer judgment until Forsenic Taxidermist, Dr. Viscount Billingsgate, examines the lampshade allegedly made from Epstein’s skin.

President Trump:

"If this lampshade contains DNA from Mr. Epstein, there will a price to be paid by those who take Law into their own hands. Hopefully, this lampshade will shine some light on the unfortunate ending for Epstein.”

Dr. Billingsgate, himself, is not without credentials. Having received his doctorate in Forensic Taxidermy from La Fontaine College, he is considered the last word in that field.

His groundbreaking work in unveiling the “Jackalope hoax” is considered the “Magna Carta” of his profession. Through painstaking observation and experimentation, he determined that the antlers mounted on a jackrabbit’s head were actually removed from an antelope and mounted on the jackrabbit by a clever taxidermist; a ruse of the first magnitude.

Also, it is noteworthy that Billingsgate recently received a commemorative plaque for reconstructing and successfully mounting a tin of anchovy fillets after they had been canned in olive oil; certainly not a small feat.

Now that the lampshade is in the hands of Dr. Billingsgate, President Trump is confident that justice will be done.

Slim Everdingle: “Who are you going to believe? Dr. Billingsgate or their lying eyes?

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. No mortal should have to make that choice. Where’s the meat?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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