Trump Offers to End All Danish Social Programs and "Make Denmark Great Again” if it Hands Over Greenland

Written by Jaki Treehorn

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

image for Trump Offers to End All Danish Social Programs and "Make Denmark Great Again” if it Hands Over Greenland
Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Danish Prime Minister

Copenhagen, Denmark - President Donald Trump doubled down on his offer to buy Greenland from Denmark, promising to send his team to the diminutive European country and raze the "destructive and pervasive socialism running rampant there". In return, Trump would expect the Danish to hand over Greenland to the United States, and also approve numerous Trump hotels and gold courses on the massive island.

Trump, in his plan, would end the universal health care and college education that the Danish people now enjoy, and replace it with a private healthcare system run by healthcare providers, huge pharmaceutical companies and their lobbyists. Danish students wishing to attend colleges would need to borrow huge sums of money to attend school and be in debt for the remainder of their lives. Citizens who lose their jobs would no longer receive unemployment benefits and probably live in the streets of Copenhagen. There would also be huge tax cuts for Danish billionaires.

"We have a much better system here, this is how you make countries great again. They will be so tired of winning, they will just be happy to hand over Greenland to the United States and the Trump Organization", said Trump.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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