Washington - President Donald Trump, successful in his bid to buy Greenland from Denmark last month, ordered all American industrial plants, utility plants and consumers to burn coal and any other high carbon dioxide emitting fuels nonstop to hurry up the global warming process, so that the land mass of the new territory could be utilized for Trump hotels, golf courses, destination resorts and military installations.
"We can't use a sub-continent that is 98% ice, we need that land to expand our economy, the Trump organization stands by the American people in our desire to utilize this area of the world as we see fit", said Trump.
Trump sent an advance team of experts including his children, Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. to the new territory to plan out the building of new Trump towers and resorts.
"While Eric and I were there we brought along our AR-15 rifles and managed to bag a whole herd of penguins and several polar bears", said Don Jr.
When asked about the effect of the Greenland ice mass melting on coastal areas of the United States including some of his golf course resorts, Trump responded, "that is fake news, any scientist will tell you that the melted ice will go elsewhere, like Muslim countries".