Epstein Body Not His: El Chapo Was Last Cellmate

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 12 August 2019

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Adding to the mystery of the presumed death of notorious multimillionaire pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein, was a report that the body found in Epstein’s cell was cremated before an autopsy was performed, and that no signs of choke marks around his neck were found in the ashes.

Also, it was reported that convicted drug lord, Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, was his cellmate the day before the alleged body of Epstein was found in the cell, leaving some law enforcement officials to believe that Guzman may have shown Epstein how to remove the toilet and flush himself down the drain of the Metropolitan Correctional Center where he was being held.

The autopsy on the body was nonetheless performed by the New York City medical examiner’s office. Pathologist to the Stars, Dr. Michael Baden, was retained by Mr. Epstein’s attorneys to oversee the autopsy. His observation as reported by the New York Times:

“In most cases, where the body has already been cremated prior to the autopsy, no surgical tools are required. In this case, the ashes showed no signs of abrasions to the neck that would indicate choking or asphyxiation. The results are inconclusive. Jeffrey Epstein may still be alive.”

Slim Everdingle: “Didn’t he testify in O.J. Simpson’s trial?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If the ashes don’t fit, you gotta acquit.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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