Jeffrey Epstein To Be Charged With His Own Murder

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

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Death is not the end, Epstein

Things just keep on getting worse and worse for disgraced former financier, Jeffrey Epstein, who, after he had been arrested and held for sexual offences against children, then wound up dead, and, this morning, was charged with his own murder by strangulation.

Epstein could have been forgiven for thinking that things couldn't sink any lower for him, but after being murdered 'in the public interest', he now finds himself in an extremely precarious position, and looking at a possible life sentence in jail.

Epstein's lawyers have said that, being dead, he cannot possibly appear in court, much less defend himself, but they have been told that if he does not, he will be held in contempt of court, and could face an even stiffer sentence.

Even stiffer than rigormortis.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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