Mueller will adapt “I’m-loathe-to-get-into-that” comment for new plumbing and cleaning business

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 28 July 2019

image for Mueller will adapt “I’m-loathe-to-get-into-that” comment for new plumbing and cleaning business
Mueller's hand checking inventory for his new business

Intelligence agencies are expressing their admiration of the frequency of Mr. Mueller’s recent “I’m loathe to get into that” statements at a congressional hearing this week.

Mueller avoided questions some 200 times in recent questioning before congress on Capitol Hill.

One of his more frequent utterances was “I’m loathe to get into that,” along with “can’t”/ “shouldn’t”/”won’t”/and “hell no, no comment on that one.”

Congress personnel of both houses grilled, hurled, droned, excoriated, fumed, and flung questions at the (sometimes) fumbling Mueller.

Anonymous spokespersons for various intelligence departments, particularly from the UK and the US (as with MI6, CIA, FBI, NSA), have also expressed relief.

As one put it, “We do not have the sacred vow ‘circa quae non mentior’ (we lie about everything) for nothing.”

“After all, that descriptor of our ongoing ops has a heritage back to former Director of the NSA Mr. Clapper.

“You may recall his obligatory lying under oath followed by his explanation that he had at least made every effort to tell only ‘the least untruthful truth’.”

“And Mr. Pompeo revealing (while apparently amused): ‘I was the Director of the CIA. We lied, we cheated, we stole’ (apparently on a regular basis).”

At this point, an anonymous intelligence agent with a British accent added in:

“After all, the business of national security absolutely makes lying imperative!"

"I won’t mention many names, just a few, but as with Mifsud and Kilimnik in the Russia-gate story, well, hell, you’ve got to have double agents.”

Double agents?

“Yes, I mean, they weren’t just supposedly working for the Russkies. They were State Intelligence Assets, you see, doing a number.”

Doing a number?

“The story, the story! It was imperative to put out the Russia-gate nonsense in order to ward off security threats from the imagined collusion between Trump and Putin. Trust us! Trust us!”

I see.

“Do you?”

Meanwhile, new reports indicate Mr. Mueller is retiring from the special investigations business to start a new plumbing and cleaning enterprise.

Its name is already google-able: "We Clean While You Dream Incorporated."

His “I’m-loathe-to-get-into-that” will transform to the motto:

“Never loathe to get into anything! Let us at it and we’ll clean you sparkling, antiseptic, and gleaming like new!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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