Trump Says No Need For Gun Restrictions

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 4 August 2019

image for Trump Says No Need For Gun Restrictions
"...the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed"

Reacting to the latest mass shooting in El Paso yesterday, President Donald Trump said the much-called for revision on gun control in the US is not a necessity, as there will soon be nobody left to shoot.

Trump was tweeting before bedtime last night, after the news that at least 20 people had been killed at the Cielo Vista Mall in El Paso, by 21-year-old gunman, Patrick Crusius, who is from the Dallas area.

Nobody yet knows why the nutjob did it.

Ever the master of understatement, Trump said:

"Very bad, many killed, very nasty. A lot of death, killing, suffering, suffrage, sufferingness. Very bad."

But later, when several brain cells had managed to click into gear, he added:

"People are saying we need gun control, but I say, that's not necessarily a needful necessary necessity. This mass extinction is the 247th in history this year. If we can be more patient, we won't need gun controls, because there'll be nobody left to shoot at, and even less people to shoot the rifles! Very nasty. Going to bed now."

Experts say there is likely to be another mass shooting in the US sometime before 5pm today, but it's not yet clear where it might occur.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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