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Funny satire stories about mass shootings

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Funny story: President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends

President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends

There was 'light at the end of the tunnel' for those hoping for gun reform this evening, when President Donald Trump issued an executive order via Twitter, that "sales of weapons, to certain kinds of people, should not happen on the weekend." "Thi...

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Funny story: President Trump Says Statistics Do Not Support Concerns Over Shopping Mall Mass Shootings

President Trump Says Statistics Do Not Support Concerns Over Shopping Mall Mass Shootings

President Trump has said that Americans are "worrying unnecessarily" about guns, and says statistics prove they are not likely to die as a result of some nut shooting them down in a bloody killing spree in a shopping mall. The president's mind was...

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Funny story: Trump Agrees to Ban Assault Weapons for Shooting Stars

Trump Agrees to Ban Assault Weapons for Shooting Stars

In the wake of yet another mass shooting, pressured to enact tougher gun regulations, United States President Donald Trump agreed to back legislation completely banning the purchase and sale of assault weapons to or from shooting stars. Explaining...

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Funny story: Mexico Demands Wall Be Built In Aftermath Of El Paso Shootings

Mexico Demands Wall Be Built In Aftermath Of El Paso Shootings

Sources close to the government in Mexico are saying that Mexican residents living close to the US border at El Paso are demanding that the wall US president Donald Trump has talked about building for so long, be built as soon as is humanly possible.

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Funny story: Trump Says No Need For Gun Restrictions

Trump Says No Need For Gun Restrictions

Reacting to the latest mass shooting in El Paso yesterday, President Donald Trump said the much-called for revision on gun control in the US is not a necessity, as there will soon be nobody left to shoot. Trump was tweeting before bedtime last nig...

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Funny story: National Rifle Association Office Closed Today

National Rifle Association Office Closed Today

In a surprise development, members of the public who visited the offices of the National Rifle Association (NRA) in Fairfax County, Virginia this morning, have described the building as closed, "boarded-up", windows smashed, car park empty, and "look...

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Funny story: President Trump In Move To Ban Garlic Festivals, And Other Dangerous Events

President Trump In Move To Ban Garlic Festivals, And Other Dangerous Events

President Donald Trump has said that, in view of the tragedy that took place at the Gilroy Garlic Festival over the weekend, when three people - including two children - were shot and killed by a crazed gunman, the staging of such events in the futur...

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Funny story: Are Arms Really Necessary?

Are Arms Really Necessary?

'Arms': it's a strange term, isn't it? 'Not those things that hang from your shoulders' 'Not those things that your hands are connected to' 'Things that help us to kill people' All three sentences were written to dissuade you from thinking about 'arms' as being those limbs attached to your body, but even this description - "attached to your body" - doesn't quite destroy the ambiguity comple...

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Funny story: In a Kingdom Long Ago . . .

In a Kingdom Long Ago . . .

In a kingdom long ago (OK, maybe not so long ago), there lived, in a thousand villages in the demesne, a happy and peaceful people who sent their children off to school each day, secure in the knowledge that their children were receiving the best education that a developed and tight-fisted kingdom could afford. A few decades back (in this kingdom, remember, somewhat long ago), there arose, amon...

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Funny story: God Sorry for Not Noticing Gunman Creeping Around Church

God Sorry for Not Noticing Gunman Creeping Around Church

In a rare public appearance, God has apologized for not noticing Devin Patrick Kelley creeping up to the church armed with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. God says he was distracted by all the lovely prayers coming from inside the church. "The par...

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Funny story: Difficult to See How Las Vegas Massacre Could Have Been Avoided

Difficult to See How Las Vegas Massacre Could Have Been Avoided

Republicans sifting through the stack of legally purchased guns that Stephen Paddock brought into his bedroom, half of which he'd converted into simulated automatic weapons, are at a loss to see how the massacre that killed 58 innocent people could h...

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Funny story: Sole Survivor of a Flurry of Mass Shootings Opposes Firearms Regulation

Sole Survivor of a Flurry of Mass Shootings Opposes Firearms Regulation

Even as the rate of all other gun-related crimes had been decreasing in the United States for decades, the rate of mass shootings had steadily increased as gun show loopholes were found to circumvent bans on assault rifles, mental health centers were...

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Funny story: Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered

Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered

Despite many years of searching and the six hundredth mass shooting in the U.S. this week alone the legendary figure of the "good guy with a gun" is yet to make an appearance. One of the most enduring characters in American folklore, alongside th...

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Funny story: Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

WASHINGTON--Noting it was best to "get a jump on this thing," President Obama ordered a preemptive lowering of the nation's flags to half-staff in anticipation of the next mass shooting to befall the country Friday. "At this juncture, I feel...

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Funny story: Finley Quaid Recovering After Paris Concert Shootings

Finley Quaid Recovering After Paris Concert Shootings

A total of 89 people fans were killed and more than 100 injured when anti trip hop gunmen stormed the Bataclan concert hall during a gig by UK singing artist Finley Quaid on Friday. Finley, 58, whose only UK chart hit to date is 'Because I love y...

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Funny story: Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Yesterday morning, everyone in the lower forty-eight states was killed or critically wounded in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. Investigators from Canada's RCMP and Mexico's Policia Federales issued the following joint statement (as they...

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