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Funny satire stories about mass shootings

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God Sorry for Not Noticing Gunman Creeping Around Church

Funny story: God Sorry for Not Noticing Gunman Creeping Around Church

In a rare public appearance, God has apologized for not noticing Devin Patrick Kelley creeping up to the church armed with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. God says he was distracted by all the lovely prayers coming from inside the church. "The par...

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Difficult to See How Las Vegas Massacre Could Have Been Avoided

Funny story: Difficult to See How Las Vegas Massacre Could Have Been Avoided

Republicans sifting through the stack of legally purchased guns that Stephen Paddock brought into his bedroom, half of which he'd converted into simulated automatic weapons, are at a loss to see how the massacre that killed 58 innocent people could h...

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Sole Survivor of a Flurry of Mass Shootings Opposes Firearms Regulation

Funny story: Sole Survivor of a Flurry of Mass Shootings Opposes Firearms Regulation

Even as the rate of all other gun-related crimes had been decreasing in the United States for decades, the rate of mass shootings had steadily increased as gun show loopholes were found to circumvent bans on assault rifles, mental health centers were...

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Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered

Funny story: Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered

Despite many years of searching and the six hundredth mass shooting in the U.S. this week alone the legendary figure of the "good guy with a gun" is yet to make an appearance. One of the most enduring characters in American folklore, alongside th...

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Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

Funny story: Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

WASHINGTON--Noting it was best to "get a jump on this thing," President Obama ordered a preemptive lowering of the nation's flags to half-staff in anticipation of the next mass shooting to befall the country Friday. "At this juncture, I feel...

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Finley Quaid Recovering After Paris Concert Shootings

Funny story: Finley Quaid Recovering After Paris Concert Shootings

A total of 89 people fans were killed and more than 100 injured when anti trip hop gunmen stormed the Bataclan concert hall during a gig by UK singing artist Finley Quaid on Friday. Finley, 58, whose only UK chart hit to date is 'Because I love y...

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Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Yesterday morning, everyone in the lower forty-eight states was killed or critically wounded in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. Investigators from Canada's RCMP and Mexico's Policia Federales issued the following joint statement (as they...

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