As Trump Continues To Tweet, Rats In Baltimore Say The City Is Just Fine

Written by mikewadestr

Tuesday, 30 July 2019

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We are just here for the cheese

While President Trump continued his tweet storm against rep Elijah Cummings and the city of Baltimore, a local organization called Really Attentive Tactics (RAT) did a survey, the results of which disclosed the majority of rats in Baltimore view the city in a favorable light.

“We are really happy at the current state of the city,” answered rat Randal Rodentia to a question posted by a local journalist. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here in Baltimore.”

“There is block after block of abandoned and dilapidated buildings providing shelter for us. There is also a plethora of garbage and waste which provides us with food and nutrition. Even the decaying houses that are inhabited by humans provide us with shelter and a variety of vittles.”

“We are upset at the fact that Donald Trump has garnered attention to the city in his recent tweet storm,” continued Rodentia. “We are concerned the city will be revitalized by an influx of money which would result in all of us rats losing our lifestyle and comfort. We like the way things are now with an uncaring mayor, city council and congressman.”

“I mean, if Baltimore decides to gentrify, we will be attacked by exterminators who are all raticists. They only judge us by the fur that we wear, which is blatant ratacism. We are all against that.”

The rats cause has been taken up by the rats rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Excellent Rats (PETER) who claim gentrifying the city is akin to putting them in Nazi concentration traps like the Nazis did during World War II.

PETER has already taken out billboards and social media ads in solidarity with the rats, which convey messages such as:

“Rat-a-tat-tat, don’t kill that rat.”

As of press time President Trump stated at a news conference that he has no intention of helping the city of Baltimore because it is just “way funner (sic)” to tweet against them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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