President Trump In Move To Ban Garlic Festivals, And Other Dangerous Events

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 30 July 2019

image for President Trump In Move To Ban Garlic Festivals, And Other Dangerous Events
Wake up, you fuckwits

President Donald Trump has said that, in view of the tragedy that took place at the Gilroy Garlic Festival over the weekend, when three people - including two children - were shot and killed by a crazed gunman, the staging of such events in the future may have to be reviewed.

It's thought that Trump wants to ban garlic festivals altogether.

Other events such as village fetes, country fairs, bring-and-buy sales, and events organized for fundraising at old people's institutions and schools, may also have to be abandoned, due to the increased risk of mass shootings.

In what was the 246th mass shooting in the US this year, Santino William Legan, 19, opened fire on festival-goers with a rifle because he was "really angry", according to one witness.

President Trump said today that, although festivals and fairs such as the one in Gilroy are enjoyed by millions of law-abiding US citizens each year, and generate large amounts of revenue for local businesses, the time had come to analyze the situation, and to consider whether the organizing of such dangerous events justified the horrendous loss of life.

Members of the National Rifle Association (NRA) were keeping their mouths firmly shut this morning, in preparation for some mealy-mouthed slavver they will be blabbing once the dust has settled on this terrible tragedy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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