Epstein already working on groundbreaking provisions for his next jail time

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

image for Epstein already working on groundbreaking provisions for his next jail time
Applicants of a certain type are interviewing for assistant warden positions

Confined at this time without bail, Mr. Epstein is reported already feverishly at work with his lawyers.

At issue is the question of what conditions will attend his imprisonment--if he is once again sentenced to jail time.

In his previous confinement some years ago, Mr. Epstein did 13 months in a private wing of the Palm Beach Prison in Florida.

Also he was allowed freedom from that jail 12 hours a day, six days a week, to walk or attend to business in his Palm Beach office.

Some feel this "sweetheart deal" may have a few shortcomings in terms of "justice served."

Meanwhile, Mr. Epstein, mindful he might not get off, is working on a new plea-bargaining deal regarding how he might be confined in future.

Various dignitaries around the world, including Mr. Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, and Mr. Dershowitz, are reported following this development with keen interest.

A question in The New York Times recently seems relevant:

Is it really necessary to put important rich people behind ordinary bars in ordinary cells meant for ordinary criminals?

Some critics, arguing against severity and in consultation with Mr. Acosta (the attorney arranging Mr. Epstein's deal in 2008), say this:

"Sordid confinement conditions" would threaten "the American Way of Life."

Furthermore, a dank cell with no windows, narrow bed, cockroaches, and clanging door is "sinister" and also "endangers The American Economy and smacks of socialism."

It is precisely this sort of harrowing jail time Mr. Epstein is attempting to ameliorate.

CNN has immediately pointed out contrasts with Mr. Assange's confinement at Belmarsh Prison, London, as with--

It would be outrageous to consider Mr. Assange as "rightly behind bars" in some kind of apartment instead of a cell, and allowed to work at a Wikileaks office 12 hours a day.

The criminal nature of each offense absolutely does not compare.

Mr. Assange is complicit in revealing some nasty US secrets, damaging to public opinion, whistleblower style; Mr. Epstein merely molested and traumatized dozens of underage females.

Developing at this time, then, is that Mr. Epstein will be confined at a private wing of a prison somewhere, with apartment and small pool, plus sun in the afternoon.

Wardens or prison guards will not be burly, heavy-bellied men, with clubs and short haircuts.

Meanwhile, Mr. Clinton has confessed himself "touched" and inspired, with Mr. Epstein's once again leading the way.

"It never occurred to me until now," said Mr. Clinton, "that Our System really does require special treatment of more important people."

"As with myself."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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