UK ambassador to be sent to Belmarsh Prison with cell next to Julian Assange

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 9 July 2019

image for UK ambassador to be sent to Belmarsh Prison with cell next to Julian Assange
"These are the adults in the room . . .?"

Striking new memoranda have stirred world leaders, always sensitive about their leadership prowess.

Disclosures from UK’s Ambassador to the US, Sir Kim Darroch, leaked via Isabel Oakeshott of The Daily Mail, indicate just what he thinks of the Trump administration..

These leaks were not authorized by the ambassador, and possibly derive from someone striking out at Darroch himself, who has a reputation for bullying.

Ms. Oakeshott was also responsible for a sensational disclosure on Mr. Cameron some years ago, revealing what happened with the former Prime Minister in a hazing incident when he was a university student.

All this new and baffling intrigue is occurring additional to Foreign Secretary Hunt's belief the Russians may be involved again, this time by attempting to “sow discord between the US and UK.”

From Ambassador Darroch’s memoranda on the Trump administration:

“We don’t believe this administration is going to become substantially more normal; less dysfunctional; less unpredictable; less faction-riven; less diplomatically clumsy and inept.”

So far the following addition has NOT been confirmed:

“Mr. Trump is several decks short of a full trolley himself.”

Mr. Trump responded that Darroch is "wacky," "very stupid," and "a pompous fool".

He added:

“Let me say this, for an individual who put his penis half-way into a dead pig at a hazing ritual--who is he to talk on the subject of dysfunctional and clumsy!?”

“Or was that David Cameron?”

“Anyway, whatever! But a decent person would keep his penis half-way in something only with corresponding adults of his same species!”

Speculation has it the President may have subconsciously referred to E. Jean Carroll at this point, who recently charged the President with assaulting her in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room.

After this reply to the ambassador, Mr. Trump continued on to Prime Minister May, saying she had badly botched the job of getting the nation out of the European Union, despite all his advice.

Mrs. May responded she still supports the ambassador and "the views expressed in the documents are not necessarily the views of ministers or the government."

According to WH Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham, we do not have a case of double standards here.

"Mr. Trump is honest as the day is long on these matters--not sneaky with hidden memoranda and such," she said.

MPs in the UK and US congressional officials are currently working on legislation “criminalizing any criticism of government officials whatsoever.”

According to Mr. Hunt, this means Ambassador Darroch will be "rightly behind bars soon" in a cell next to Julian Assange, who faces similar charges.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more