Trump's Fourth Of July Celebrations To Be "Astronomically Expensive"

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

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A mite

The annual fourth of July celebrations, commemorating the Declaration of Independence of the United States on July 4, 1776, have always been celebrated on its anniversary, and this year will be no different.

One major difference this year, however, will be that this Thursday's celebrations, organized by President Donald Trump, are set to be lavish, and "astronomically expensive in an out-of-this-world way".

The president has told military chiefs he wants a full demonstration of the nation's military capability on show. He said:

"I wanna see tanks, lots of tanks, and planes that can destroy stuff. It's to make chickenshit countries like Iran fully aware of our magnificent military mite."

Trump wants Sherman and Abrams tanks on the Mall in Washington, and the F-35 stealth fighter, the involvement of Marine Helicopter Squadron One, and the best the US can offer in airpower flying over the heads of the vast crowds that are sure to gather to marvel at this splendid waste of taxpayers' cash.

The Navy says that one of its Blue Angels costs around $10,000 per hour to fly, whilst an F35 is more expensive at $30,000 per hour. An Air Force One jet comes in at around $140,000 per hour.

And troops! Trump wants lots of troops. As many as he can get his hands on, and he wants them marching up and down, saluting the flag, and himself, and showing the rest of the watching world that, not only does the United States have seemingly unlimited resources at its disposal, but also that it does not mind squandering them on mindless projects like this, when the money could be better spent on hospitals, homelessness, education and the care of the elderly and disabled.

That's just for starters.

President Trump denied the cost of this unnecessary display of military superiority would be astronomical. He tweeted:

"What's astronomy got to do with it?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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