Deal of the Century kicks off at the World Bridge Championships in Yemen.

Written by Absolute Bull

Monday, 1 July 2019

image for Deal of the Century kicks off at the World Bridge Championships in Yemen.

The 44th World Bridge Team Championships will be held at the Wuhan International Convention Centre at Wuhan, China, from Saturday 14th to Saturday 28th September 2019.

However, in a clear case of hijacking a Chinese event, US president Donald Trump has declared that the Championships will be held in Yemen, to announce the Deal of the Century. The choice of Yemen was to also ensure complete neutrality, as Yemen was not part of the Middle East $50 billion peace plan, as the country has already been time-warped back to the Stone Age.

Amidst the ruins of a bombed-out hospital, the Bridge Championships were inaugurated by Jared Kushner on the 1st of July. In a rousing speech to a few Yemeni herdsmen and cynical cud-chewing camels, Jared promised the "deal of the century" of $28billion to bring peace between the Israelis and Palestinians over the next ten years, and $22million to be split between Jordan, Egypt and Lebanon.

For good measure President Trump had already tweeted that the money will come from all parties to the Deal, as well as Mexico, Iran, Russia, North Korea, Turkey and Venezuela. As Convener of the Deal of the Century, Jared Kushner will also contribute one week’s salary to the fund as a goodwill gesture. Mr Trump also promised 10% of any refunds he got back from the IRS.

Following the announcement of the Deal of the Century with great fanfare, the Bridge Championships were inaugurated by the opening game. The foursome starred Jared Kushner and his dummy partner Tony Blair, versus Netanyahu and his new-found buddy MBS. After Jared Kushner dealt out the 52 cards, he confessed to his bodyguard John Bolton standing behind him that he had an ace up his sleeve. Mr Bolton growled that he could put six shots into the Ace of Spades at 50 metres in the Hormuz Strait and then whispered to Jared that this was a game of bridge and not poker.

In the uncomfortable silence that followed Jared bid One Spade, followed by two passes by MBS and Tony Blair. Netanyahu preened himself, and loudly stated his friendship for the US President by exclaiming ‘One knows Trump.”

The other players all promptly passed, and thus the contract for the Deal of the Century stands at One No Trump for all time to come.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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