Charles Manson's Ghost Admits Gruesome Murders, But "It Was A Long Time Ago"

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 15 June 2019

image for Charles Manson's Ghost Admits Gruesome Murders, But "It Was A Long Time Ago"
He was young, impressionable - these things happen

Charles Manson, who died in 2017, having spent 45 years in prison for, amongst other things, 7 counts of first-degree murder, and one of conspiracy to murder, but who always denied having committed the acts, has finally come clean through his ghost, but says he thinks that people really should have gotten over it by now.

Manson gathered together a group of people who became known as the Manson Family and who carried out nine murders, in July and August 1969, including that of Sharon Tate, the wife of filmmaker Roman Polanski. The Family were also responsible for other assaults, thefts, crimes, and the attempted assassination of United States President Gerald Ford.

This morning, however, a ghost identifying itself as the aforementioned Charles Manson, entered the Los Angeles County Court building where he had first been convicted of murder on December 13, 1971, and told staff he had an apology to make. The ghost was shown into a waiting room. Three court officers who were in the room with Manson recorded its words on their phones. It said:

"I, the ghost of Charlie Manson, do solemnly declare in front of these witnesses present, that I did it, or told other people to do it, but it was a long time ago, and it's time to get over it, to forgive and forget. Especially forget."

Having said this, the ghost rose, and floated through a wall.

Across the Atlantic, in London, prospective Tory party leader, Michael Gove, nodded in agreement when informed of the news.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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