Brexit-type Decisions To Be Made Easier

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 24 May 2019

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Highest score or lowest? A decision is expected soon

After nearly three years of hedging, wrangling, delaying tactics, and with less than five minutes to go before B-day, the government is looking for a new way to make decisions over things like Brexit.

There have been countless disagreements during the Brexit process, but, so divided are the politicians that not even this would be agreed upon. Some say there have been many disagreements, whilst others disagree, claiming there haven't been many disagreements at all.

Rather than having endless, argumentative and volatile debates in the House of Commons, followed by voting on a given issue, MPs have said they would prefer a quicker, and more conclusive way to achieve decisions.

To do this, two members will be chosen from the ranks; one will represent those in favour of the motion, and the other will represent those against it. These two people will then take part in a straightforward 'challenge' to come to a decision. Suggestions for this challenge include:

Tossing A Coin

Nice, easy, and simple to perform, and little to argue about. Unless the coin balances on its rim. Then there'll be trouble.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Slightly Japanese, perhaps, but clear-cut. First to three wins.

Penalty Shoot-out

Five penalties each. One is the penalty-taker, the other the goalie. Then change around. In the event of a tie, sudden death.

Strictly dance-off

Contestant chooses his or her own dance routine, and dances-off in front of Simon Cowell, whose decision is final. As always.

Outgoing Prime Minister, Theresa May, has ratified the plan, but it still has to be discussed and agreed upon by an all-party consultation committee, which is where, no doubt, the whole idea will come to a complete standstill.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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