London, UK - (Snorting Mess): Conservatives must appoint a new Narcotic Business Secretary following the collapse of the government’s flagshit Brexit New Deal Strategy which left ministers exposed as a bunch of crack-peddling tossers in hock to Donald Trump.
That is the view of the City quango responsible for monitoring official party business amid complaints of flagrant malpractice in UK-Colombian fair trading relations.
Commenting on the latest development, former Tory stink tank strategist Skanky Dave Weedsom deplored a lack of diversity among potential candidates for the £1m annual salary position.
“We have to break the monopoly of Brussels cartels which created this goddawful mess,” the expert said at this week’s annual party summer conference.
“Damned Belgians should stick to peddling chocolate, even if it tastes like shit.”