Donald Trump Speaks Out Against Hate Crimes

Written by Brett Taylor

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

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Trump Speaks at his latest rally

President Trump recently spoke to supporters at a Wisconsin rally. In the wake of recent hate crimes, many wondered if Trump would address the topic of 'hate crime', and he did. Here is the opening portion of his speech:

"Friends, we are facing great tragedy in our society today. I speak of the terrible hate crimes.

"Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the important things. Because there are a lot of important things. The economy is doing great. It’s really great. That’s why Pennsylvania is such a great place, it’s really a heaven on earth. Because the economy is doing great. That’s why they don’t want Joe Biden there, because they’re doing really great. was in Pennsylvania the other day and they have so much steel you wouldn’t believe it. Big beautiful steel.
I’ll tell you who’s really bad, it’s Joe Biden. That’s where the real hate is, in Joe Biden. He’s sleepy all the time, they better watch him, the doctors. Because he’s really sleepy. I’ve called him “Sleepy Joe” for a long time, and everybody thinks that’s great. In fact, I’m going to start calling him Really Sleepy Joe, because that’s what he is, he’s really sleepy. I’ve got to remember that. We’ll never forget that.

"But me, I have so much energy. I have so much energy you wouldn’t believe it. Did you know I eat eleven Big Macs a day? It’s okay. If you drink eleven Diet Cokes you won’t gain weight. You’ve just got to remember to drink one coke for every burger, that way you won’t get fat.

"Did you know that Democrats make burgers out of bald eagles? It’s true. They kill them with windmills and then they eat them.

"You know who’s really bad? From the Democrats, I mean. Because they’re really bad. Elizabeth Warren. She’s such an ugly broad, we don’t want her for president. What would the Chinese say? Or the Japanese? They’d say, why do they have such an ugly broad for president? Because they don’t speak English so much, the Japanese. They have to focus on her looks, they can’t understand what she’s saying. So we need a pretty woman to keep their attention. If she’s a woman, I mean. If she’s not a woman she better not be Joe Biden, she better be a Republican. I mean me.

"You know who’d be a great president? Ivanka. The Japanese, if they saw her, they’d say, that’s our kind of president, a hot president. She’d be great. And Jared is a great guy too, but he’s not my daughter. A lot of Jews are very pretty. See, I like them. I like Netanyahu. Elizabeth Warren’s not a Jew. She’s Pocahontas. So nobody can say I don’t like them. You don’t see them trying to get in at the border, they’re at the synagogues. If more Mexicans would stay at their synagogues, there wouldn’t be so much trouble at the border.

"Did you know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican? But he wasn’t as good as me. And I think Andrew Jackson was a Republican, wasn’t he? I can’t remember. It’d be interesting to know. Did you know there used to be a party called the Whigs? I didn’t know. Man, I would have joined that party. But this is not a wig. Still, you’ve got to love a people who care that much about their hair, that they named their party after it.

"Friends, we are making America great again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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